if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
