She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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