I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
