wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
