the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I could fuck to npr.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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