go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
