she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
