Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
