he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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