if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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