hotel room ftw
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
