Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
