I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
