His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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