I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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