why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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