I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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