fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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