How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
