I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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