oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
