He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
