8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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