Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize