Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
