I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
