there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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