I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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