I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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