Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Come see our sink grown plant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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