No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
