Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
