I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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