hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
