So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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