i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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