So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
