1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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