Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
