so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
