Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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