Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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