my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream