And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.