Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.