i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
