People in love make me want to vomit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm