im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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