my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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