reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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