I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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