this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
