Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
