We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize