I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
