got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
