I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
