Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
