You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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