C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
