I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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