I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
