My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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